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Money, That's What I Want
Yellow head
I received a letter from the bank, basically saying "you're crap and we don't like you." The situation is grim because I'm in debt both to them and to the credit card company, to the tune of Quite a Lot Really. I don't know how I'm managing to keep my sense of humour, but I do somehow. I have another job application form to fill in, but to be honest, I'm starting to think it's never going to happen. It's bleaksville, UK, around here at the moment. Not only that, but it's been raining steadily for two days.

Why am I unable to make anything of myself when I have talent and intelligence? I struggle to believe in myself at all. By now I should have amounted to something, instead of having no job, no life, no money, and not much in the way of hope. If I'd just had a little more backbone, instead of being so timid, I could have made something of my life. I could have been a contender, instead of a bum, which what I am (five points for those who can tell me what film that last line is a quote from).

I've drawn up a tee shirt design which I've submitted to Threadless. Hopefully it'll be accepted and placed on their site soon, where you can all vote for it to printed (or not as the case may be). Watch this space.

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I'm done with art courses. It's the one area where I do have confidence. Love your icon, by the way, with the bounding dogs.

I ended last year feeling like I needed some better genes. Like I could be something if only I wasn't always screwing up, never having enough confidence etc. Kind of like how you describe. drummygirl gave me an image to use which was that when the negative thoughts fly at you, you just beat them right back with a baseball bat. I did it, but still thought I was doomed to fail, because I'd fend them off for only so long before they came faster and faster and just crushed me and I had no energy to fight. But, I kept doing it, kept telling myself, "I will be different, I will be better, things will be better, it will all be great again!", even when I really didn't believe that (which was a lot of the time). And, amazingly, it worked.

Not saying it will definitely work for you, but got to be worth a try? Keep telling yourself you are as amazing you think you could be, keep beating off those negatives with the baseball bat, just keep on keeping on, and with any luck, one day you'll wake up and it will be true.

All the best x

Awesome. You missed your vocation as a motivational speaker. Thanks for the kind words.

Well, if it's any consolation, I know exactly how you feel.Hang in there. With your talent you're sure to triumph eventually.
Oh yeh, ON THE WATERFRONT, innit?

You've got talent and brains a-plenty, D. I often feel that a lot of this comes down to luck--being in the right place at the right time. I really hope that your luck turns and something comes your way.

Is there a gallery that might exhibit some of your work?

I am only here as your "friend" because of your talent and your intelligence. I believe that such attributes are born into us but require effort and practice to maintain and develop. And why are they not enough to convince you of your value? Probably because you did not receive enough praise when you were little. Now it takes vastly more praise than it would do back then because there is a growing shortfall to be made good first. So this is by way of being my contribution to that shortfall.

This is a very good theory which has truth to it. Thanks for you input.

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