darryl cunningham (tallguywrites) wrote,
darryl cunningham

A Long Journey into Daylight

My three months on the acute ward have earned me some holiday. So I find that I've only got three shifts to do before I finish there. I'll have a nice week off before I return to college on the 25th.

This year has proved to be a rollercoaster ride for me. First, a slide into appalling black depression, then a gradual return to normality. Things could hardly have been worse back in March, when I abruptly left the course. I was due to go into my placement at alcohol services, but found that I simply could not go. I was so physically and mentally exhausted that I couldn't leave the house. I unplugged the phone and was out of touch of the college and placement for a month. My personal tutor from the nursing course came round to the house twice, but I wouldn't see him, or anyone else.

It was an extremely black period. I had invested years in my training, so the realisation that I couldn't go on, and that it'd all been for nothing, crushed me. I was in such a poor state of mind that I found myself crossing he road without looking, because I didn't care what happened to me. I could easily have killed myself on a whim.

However, all is well now. I've had very good support from both the college and the NHS trust I work for. I was given the option to drop back a couple of semesters, rather than leave, and I eventually took this offer. Both my confidence and motivation has returned, and if anything, I'm far stronger than before. It's been a long journey into daylight.
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