November 1st, 2005

Yellow head

I am so Lame (It's Official

I went to the psychiatrist's ward round at one of the the hospital wards in the morning, so I didn't manage to join the rest of the team until the afternoon. And even then, I wasn't in the office long. There was nothing for me to do after the multi-disciplinary meeting, so my mentor told me I could go home. Which was fine, except that I still hadn't managed to ask the lovely Justine out. There was one moment when I actually found her on her own, (like a sad person, I'd followed her down to the kitchen, on the pretext that I wanted a glass of water), but blew my chance by not getting to the point fast enough. After only a minute we were joined by another member of staff, and my nerve failed me. Yes, it's pathetic, I know.

However, on the plus side, in the very brief snatches of conversation I manage to have with her, I'm getting a real feeling that some connection is being made between us. You have to understand that this isn't a normal office where people work all day. Team members come and go all the time, as they go out and visit clients in the community. This means that I can't always count on seeing Justine for very long at all, and opportunities for conversation are few and far between.

Even worse, I'm not in tomorrow at all, and so will now have to wait until Thursday to try again. I'm annoyed at myself for not having asked her yet. Now I'll be ruminating on this all tomorrow.

I don't want to do anything so impersonal as send her an email. I really want to ask her face to face and somehow make it casual. If by Friday, I'm still haven't resolved this, I plan to give her a birthday card, with a note, just suggesting we might have a drink sometime? But this isn't the way I really want to do it. I'd be a lot happier with myself if managed to show a little more courage. Why is this so hard? Is it just me, or do most people have this problem? Bah!